Technology and the Future of Virtual Biblical Counseling 

A year ago almost every biblical counselor had a decision to make–namely, how and when to continue to provide counseling under imposed government regulations. As biblical counselors we may have wondered if a day would come when the government would stop the work that we were doing. None of us, however, could have predicted what actually happened. Instead of an attack on our practices and principles, this disruption came unexpectedly from a virus. Federal regulations related to the global pandemic of 2020 shut down our offices and churches, sent us all home and counseling, for the most part, came to a halt. 

Uncertain about just how long the orders to stay home would last, many counselees and counselors chose to “wait it out.” But when days turned to weeks and weeks to months, we began to consider alternatives to in-person counseling. Going virtual became the predominant option. In a matter of weeks we all became very familiar with Zoom, Google Meet, WebEx, Got To Meeting, etc. Well over a year later, most counselors are still using technology to meet with their counselees. What does this mean for the future of biblical counseling? As we begin to see the lifting and removal of regulations, we ought to consider how technology should fit into the future of our continued care. In light of that, I offer words of optimism and caution regarding technology and biblical counseling.  

Optimistic Outcomes

  • Furthering the reach of biblical counseling – Counselors practicing under a state license are restricted to the jurisdiction of their license. During the pandemic some exceptions were made for continuity of care, but in general the restrictions remained. Biblical counselors, however, are under no such restrictions. The conditions of the pandemic put a spotlight on the value of being a biblical, non-licensed counselor. Biblical counselors continued to offer care regardless of where they or their counselees resided. They provided care across state lines and beyond. Whereas licensed counselors encountered limitations, biblical counselors, with the help of technology, expanded their reach. Technology will continue to provide this opportunity even after in-person counseling resumes. 
  • Flexibility for the counselee and the counselor – Technology and the circumstances of stay-at-home regulations also afforded greater flexibility for counseling sessions to take place at different times and places. No longer spending time in long commutes or participating in extracurricular activities, counselors were freed up to devote more time to care for others. In addition, many counselors who were normally dependent on available church-office space were able to hold sessions online from the comfort of their own homes. Childcare was also no longer a barrier for the counselor or counselee. Marriage counseling was taking place after the kids were in bed. Counselors and counselees juggling a family schedule could capitalize on a toddler’s naptime or plan their appointments when another parent was available to help with children. Many sessions happened while young children played or watched a movie in the next room. The blessing of being home allowed counselor and counselee to re-engage with family or other responsibilities as soon as sessions were over. Going virtual removed some of the logistical stress that can surround counseling appointments. The flexibility of virtual sessions increases the likelihood that people will seek out screen-based counseling in the future.
  • Favorable environment for many – As mentioned above, counseling from the comfort of home often created a more desirable environment. Counselees found their favorite and most comfortable place to have their session which often included a comfy pillow or throw, the company of a beloved pet, or relaxing in casual clothes. In addition, counselors and counselees with physical limitations found virtual sessions more favorable and accessible on many levels. While the convenience was a welcomed aspect for most situations, exceptions are worth noting. Counselees living in negative home environments or who have difficulty finding privacy in a busy home may have found virtual sessions more challenging. Even with that said, people will still likely expect the choice of online counseling to continue even after the pandemic is far behind us therefore virtual counseling sessions should remain an option. 

Cautious Considerations

  • Regard the safety and wellbeing of all – It is important that you know where your counselee is during your sessions. Are they at home, work, at a friend’s or family member’s home? Find out if they are alone or if others are in the house with them before the session starts. You can do this casually without much attention drawn to your questions. Since you are not in the room with them, you need to be sure you know how to get them help should the situation prove necessary. Meeting virtually necessitates that you have their emergency contact information up to date. Another way to protect your counselee is to be sure you are meeting in a private location where they do not have to worry that what they are saying might be overheard. Wearing headphones regards their privacy and displays a more secure environment for them. You should also regard your wellbeing. Avoid overscheduling or giving your counselee more access to you than is healthy. Technology opens avenues of connection, but it must be guarded for your wellbeing also. 
  • Respect healthy boundaries – It is important for the counselor to build in transition times between sessions. Going from one Zoom call to the next can be easy, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Allow space to process the session and regroup your thoughts and emotions. Create space to prayerfully prepare for the next session. As mentioned above, avoid being always available to your counselee. The more technology connects us the more we must cautiously and carefully engage it. Consider creating office hours that are set aside for your work as a counselor. Generally speaking, calls, texts, or emails should wait to be read until your set office hours. Consider having a separate phone number for counselees to reach you and turn off notifications for that number outside of office hours. On the same point, respect your counselee’s time. Avoid contacting them for follow-up, logistics, or scheduling during their family time when they may be tempted to reply immediately. 
  • Resist distractions – You and your counselee are limited to what can be seen on the screen; consequently, the temptation to multi-task will arise. A notification or a text on a phone that would have normally been out of sight during a session is not only visible but can be read surreptitiously. A quick glimpse at an email can go undetected. Small inconspicuous activities such as manicuring your nails or making a to-do lists can lure you away from listening intently to your counselee. Distractions on your desk or curiosity regarding what is in your counselee’s room can interfere with your concentration and conversation. Take measures to create a space that will allow the least mental diversion. This includes what is visible in your screen. Create a visual place that allows your counselee to focus without disruption. 

As counseling moves back to in-person sessions, consider how technology has afforded opportunities for biblical counseling to fill an even larger space than before. What an amazing opportunity to reach more believers, and even unbelievers, with hope not only for their current circumstances but also for their eternal wellbeing. Let’s continue to utilize technology wisely and regularly, offering biblical care beyond the borders of our hometown. 

For reflection:

1. How do you see technology improving the future of biblical counseling?

2. What concerns do you have when you think about counseling and technology?

3. What boundaries might you need to implement when providing virtual counseling?

Originally posted on The Biblical Counseling Coalition.

Changing Negative Thinking

Thoughts are interesting things. They have no material value. They have no physical weight, no measurable space, and no visible presence. They come from inside us with little to no effort from us. And although they are innumerable[1] they are invisible. Or are they?

In 1952 author Norman Vincent Peale brought the importance of this subject to center stage when he wrote The Power of Positive Thinking. Shining a spotlight on our thoughts, the book went on to be a New York Times best seller. Apparently, our thoughts, tucked away in the privacy of our minds and imperceptible to the external world have a significant impact on us. Thoughts are formative to our very lives. But we don’t need a self-help book form the 50’s to tell us that. The Bible states clearly that “as a man thinks in his heart so he is” (Prov. 23:7). Our thoughts determine what we do, develop how we live, and define our identity.

Our thoughts determine what we do, develop how we live, and define our identity.

Eliza Huie– Changing Negative Thinking

Think about the truth.

We need to fill our minds with what is accurate and factual regarding ourselves. Since our thoughts shape who we are, we must be concerned with thinking about the truth. In light of this, it underscores the importance that our thoughts be true.

Not so good truth.

What if the truth is not good? What if the truth is that we really messed up or we failed in this or that area? What should we do with true thoughts that remind us we say or do things that are unkind, wrong, and sinful? What if the truth is that our lives our filled with bad news and very real troubles? When this is the case, we can find ourselves stuck in patterns of destructive thinking. Similarly to the self-help book title, we also know the power in negative thinking is very significant.

What else is true?

We cannot deny that some true things are not good. In fact, some truth is just awful. Mistakes cannot be undone, and harsh words can’t be unsaid. Painful realities we have endured cannot be wished away and our minds can be flooded with not-so-good thoughts. When this is the case, we have a choice to make. When the negative thoughts come, acknowledge their truth but then ask yourself; What else is true? What other truth do you need to be thinking about right then and there? Let me make this practical with an exercise.

And What Else

I can’t remember where I first learned this exercise, but I find it very helpful. When negative truths dominate your thinking, when you can only call to mind the bad you have done, or when reminders of the wrong done to you feel as though they are on continual recall, use the three letters A-W-E to help guide you toward a change in your thinking. These three simple letters can change the barrage of negative thinking. They simply stand for And What Else. Yes—you have said and done some regretful things but what else is true of you? Yes—You had a terrible experience but what else is true? Yes—it was truly awful what happened but what else is also true? The awful things that happened really did happen and they were terribly bad, but what else is true? And what else: A.W.E. Allow yourself space to think about what else is true. As a Christian there is so much more that is true of you. Here are some examples. Read them slowly, thinking about each one.

  • You are a child of God. (Jn. 1:12)
  • You are a friend of Jesus. (Jn. 15:15)
  • You are loved and not condemned (Jn. 3:16-17)
  • You are forgiven. (Col. 1:13-14)
  • You are justified. (Rom. 5:1)
  • You are a saint. (Eph. 1:1)
  • You are free of condemnation now and forever. (Rom. 8:1-2)
  • You can find grace and mercy when you need it. (Heb. 4:16)
  • You have full access to God. (Eph. 3:12)
  • You are protected from the evil one. (1 Jn. 5:18)

When negative thoughts fill your mind pause and intentionally think or, as the Scripture says, meditate on what else is true. When you do this, the simplicity of the acrostic comes to life as it moves you to stand in awe (A.W.E) of the amazing truth of who you are in Christ and how much God loves you.

Practice makes _________.

This exercise is exactly what Paul was instructing us to do in Philippians chapter four verse eight when he wrote:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 

Most Christians know that verse well. Maybe you have even memorized it. But did you know what comes right after that? Verse nine says this:

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Did you catch that? Paul says these things take practice! Negative thinking comes easy. Right thinking takes practice. This takes intentional focus, but it is life changing. We have all heard it said that practice makes _______ (fill in the blank). “Perfect!” I actually think it is more accurate to say that “practice makes permanent.” When our thoughts accurately reflect the truth of Scripture and we practice meditating on what it says regarding who we are, it changes us permanently.

I hope this motivates you to practice the A.W.E exercise the next time you feel yourself spiraling downward in negative thinking. The more you practice, the more permanent the truth of God’s word will become the dominant source of your thoughts.

Since our thoughts shape who we are, we must be concerned with thinking about the truth.

Eliza Huie– Changing Negative Thinking


[1] A recent research project concluded that the average person has approximately 6200 thoughts a day. It is likely this will change the more research is conducted. https://www.newsweek.com/humans-6000-thoughts-every-day-1517963

How Should I Respond if my Child Sees Porn?

How should I respond if my child sees pornography?

This is a question I get asked often. It is an important question, but I want to actually ask this question in a slightly different way. In the way that I feel is more helpful.

How should I respond when my child sees pornography?”

Instead of if, let’s say when. It’s a slight change but is more than likely the reason why you are reading this article. And reframing it this way allows parents to be prepared for what sadly is more than likely a reality. Whether it is an accidental glimpse of an image, a classmate sharing something on their phone, or a curious search on their own phone, laptop, or tablet, your child will likely see porn. It is so easily available and sadly statistics tell us that the average age of the first exposure to porn is just 11 years old and, in most cases, this happens in the child’s own home.[i] As a parent, your response when this happens is very important.

When your child is sees pornography, it is an opportunity for two things. It is a teaching opportunity, and it is a gospel opportunity.

A Teaching Opportunity

It’s an opportunity for you to teach your child about their own sexuality and God’s good design for sex. It is an opportunity to teach them about the incredible value people have as image bearers and how we should never use other people—even if it is just pictures of them—in ways that do not honor them or the God who made them.[ii] It is an opportunity for you to teach your child about what are appropriate pictures to see of others and what are inappropriate. It is also a good chance to teach them what are appropriate or inappropriate pictures to have taken of themselves.

A Gospel Opportunity

It is also a gospel opportunity. When your child sees porn, you have an amazing occasion to bring the gospel to your child in this moment. The fact that pornography even exists shows just how far our hearts have strayed from the Lord and reminds us of how much we all need Jesus. Whether your child saw pornography willingly or accidentally it is great opportunity for you to remind them of the forgiveness we have in Jesus. People who make or engage in porn can have their sins totally forgiven. And children, who curiously explored pornography also can find abundant grace from God when they confess. Remind them that 1 John 1:9 tells us that, “If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The kindness of God is available for all who to turn to Him.

So, keep these two things in mind—it is a teaching opportunity, and it is a gospel opportunity.

Resources

As a parent I know resources are a big when raising children. In light of that, here are a couple resources I have written on the topic of both sex and screens to help parents when asking this or other related questions.

The first is called Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World. And while the title says Raising Teens it is very beneficial for parents of elementary and preteens as well. In it I share 7 tips for navigating the topic sex. One important tip for parents to consider how their reaction to learning about a child’s exposure to porn impacts their relationship with their child. Discovering that your child has seen pornography is very upsetting but parents must bring their sorrows, anger, or disappointments to the Lord first and ask Him to help move into the conversation in a way that shows the child see that what has happened is not too big for God nor is it not beyond his grace.

The second book is called Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World. It is designed to help parents who are raising digital natives. The five quick tips discuss ways to model digital discipline in your home and answer questions like “when should I give my child their own device?”

Both of these books are short and practical allowing the busiest of parents to get through them.

In summary keep in mind that exposure to pornography is likely going to happen at some point as you raise your kids. Reframing these the situation by remembering that this it is a teaching opportunity and a gospel opportunity turns these moments into opportunities of growth. And most of all remember the Lord is our helper you so lean into him in everything you face with your children.


[i] https://www.covenanteyes.com/lemonade/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Protect-family-online-Covenant-Eyes.pdf

[ii] Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:4, Romans 12:10

Justice for All: Where the pledge fails, the promise stands firm.

I had the recent privilege to sit in on a hearing in the district court. It was a chance to witness the public proceedings to which this country gives open access, and I am grateful. But more so, it was an opportunity to hear the courageous testimony of a victim who gave voice to her story and for that I am deeply honored.

As I sat in that courtroom three words came to mind. They are familiar words to anyone living in the United States. School children, before they learn to read and write, memorize these words. Whether you are born here or immigrated, if the United States is your home, you will learn the words “justice for all,” the last three words of the Pledge of Allegiance. Sitting in the court filled me with passion for those words. We were there for justice.

The situation was complex, spanning many years of repetitive coercion, manipulation, threats, and violence leading to deep confusion and the crushing of a spirit. She was a college student volunteering in children’s ministry. He was her pastor. She was vulnerable. He was powerful. The grooming and lies started early and led to atrocious abuse of power and authority. Yet, as evidenced by the brief lines of introduction before the judge, this would be abridged to a single incident shared in the courtroom where she was not a person with a story but a case with a number.

As the case unfolded, it became clear that there was one thing everyone was looking for—evidence. If terrorizing drew blood, if manipulation left marks, if bullying left bruises—then, the evidence would be undeniable. But abusers know better. They know how to twist the truth, making even their victims believe their lies. The book of Ecclesiastes says it well when it states, “…I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed—and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors—and they have no comforter (Ecclesiastes 4:1).”

Pressed into the standard protocol of the court and in the hands of an overwhelmed and unprepared district attorney, she was simply a name on a form in a large stack of disheveled papers. A name filling a timeslot on a docket. A name mispronounced, a name repeatedly gotten wrong, a name mistakenly called. If they didn’t even know her name, how could they ever know her story? She was a case, a number, a file declared to have “lacked the evidence” to bring a conviction. 

Justice for all? Though this court did not deliver, the words retained their power. Not because of a pledge, but because of a promise. The promise is not found in the words of a prosecutor or an advocate or even a supportive friend. Rather, the promise of “justice for all” is found in the God’s Word. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed (Psalm 103: 6). The Bible is full of promises related to God’s just judgement. He has promised to defend the abused and punish the abuser.[i]

Justice for all? Where the pledge fails, the promise stands firm. She is not a case, a number, a file. She is a person with a voice. An important voice. A valued voice. A voice of truth heard by God and his promise of justice is sure.

I witnessed incredible courage from this woman in that courtroom. She was honest. She was clear. She was brave. Abuse is wrong and must be exposed. As she continues to wait for justice, her testimony was not in vain. She stood for truth and she stood for the many other victims whose voices are still unheard and I am so proud of her. She knows God heard her voice she can agree with the Psalmist in saying, “I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live (Psalm 116: 1-2).” 


[i] See Psalm 72:4, Psalm 146:7-9, Proverbs 17:5, Proverbs 22:22-23, Isaiah 10:1-3, Jeremiah 50:33-34, Micah 2:1-3 for just a sampling of how the Lord views abuse.

What’s So Great about the New Year?

Here we are again. We have been here before and Lord willing we will be here again. A new year. Why do people make such a big deal about the turn of a calendar day?

There’s something exciting about things that are new. Various seasons of life are marked by the description of new. When people get married, they are called newlyweds depicting the reality of their new venture in life together. New parents are those who, for the first time in their life, are embarking on the journey of raising up another human being. There are other times when new is the best way to describe a change in life. For example, think about a new job, a new home, a new car, or even a new puppy. When something is new it carries with it an expectation of potential and an excitement for what lies ahead. This is also felt in simple pleasures like new restaurant or a new episode of a favorite show. The new year is similar, as people look ahead with expectation and excitement.

So as the hype of Christmas settles into the rearview and you begin to regain some routine after the holidays, I want to encourage you to consider why it can be good to reflect on the value of treating the new year with fresh expectation and intention.

The start of a new year is a great time to engage in personal reflection and consider modifications you might want to make in life. But it is not just an exercise in self-improvement. I want to offer four reasons why this can actually be a means of stewarding your life for the glory of God. At the risk of being misunderstood, I don’t want to communicate that setting “New Year’s resolutions” is a kind of spiritual mandate or act of piety. I will say that whether it is at the start of a new year or any other time of the year, making intentional adjustments or participating in thoughtful planning can be a helpful exercise in a Christian’s life. In light of this, I offer four considerations to encourage you in making the the most of this New Year.

1. Reflection allows for re-evaluation. In our first years of life, we visit the doctor regularly for what are called well-baby checks. The reason is not because anything is wrong, but it is to make sure things are right. Taking time to reflect at the start of a new year can be viewed as a wellness check. It is an opportunity to take a look at your life the way a doctor examines a young patient and evaluates how things are going. A careful examination of our life helps us to make any needed adjustments.

It is a sign of spiritual health to take time to examine ourselves. Lamentation 3:40 says, “Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord.” Don’t wait for things to be wrong in your life. Let the New Year be a time of self-examination and prayerfully consider what changes may be needed.

2. A stagnant life is an unhealthy life. Continuing with the metaphor of the well-baby exams, the doctor is concerned if a child’s progress stops or slows. When a child fails to thrive or misses key benchmarks it raises alarm. When personal growth stops in our lives it is also a concerning sign. But change does not need to be a grand event. Slight improvements overtime bring significant change. Big goals or changes can be helpful but small changes eventually create major shifts in the long run. If change is daunting or discouraging, think small. This is often the way the Lord works on us.

Reflect on the year ahead. What small shifts do you need to make? Maybe it is in your spiritual life? Maybe it is with a relationship? Whatever it is, use this New Year as a time to commit to that change no matter how small. God brings change slowly — one degree at a time.  Allow 2 Corinthians 3:18 to remind you that, “we all…are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

3. Planning is a part of the Imago Dei. As created beings we bear the image of God (Imago Dei). Every single human being has the likenesses of the God who made them stamped on them. When we create we reflect our creator God. When we manage or lead we do so in part because the image of a sovereign God is on us. When we plan we imitate a strategic God who calculated where to put the stars and at what place the ocean should end. Before the foundations of the world, He was planning.

As we look ahead to a new year with more specific intention we must take all of our plans and lay them before the One who holds our future. We plan but the Lord establishes our path (Proverbs 16:9).

4. New is a gift from God. Some of the best things in Scripture are described as new. In Christ we have new life (2 Corinthians 5:17). We are given a new name that only God knows (Revelation 2:17). We will live in a new world where all things are as they should be. In fact, the final promise of the Bible related to the Lord’s returning is that He is making all things new (Revelation 21:5).

Celebrating new is a small picture of what we will one day know in full. New is a gift that should be stewarded well. It is a treasure not to be taken for granted.

As you enter a new year consider how you might engage it with intention and purpose. One helpful resource is Donald Whitney’s Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year. Use the questions to pause and reflect regarding the direction of your life.

Women, Depression, and the Pandemic | Five Tips to Help the Downcast

In the last year, depression rates have climbed significantly, and women are not at all left out of the rising numbers. In order to best understand what might help women who experience depression, we should know a little bit about what might be causing it. 

Depression can be triggered by the seasons. You have likely heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that impacts people most commonly in the fall and winter months when the hours of sunlight are fewer and people are less active. What you might not know is that in the United States, it is estimated SAD affects nearly ten million people, and it is four times more common in women than in men.  

Genetics or physical health may also be a contributing factor. Medical issues such as thyroid disorders, diabetes, chronic health issues, and hormonal fluctuations can increase risk of depression. Hormonal changes are not uncommon throughout seasons of life. These changes may often be accompanied by an alteration in mood, leading to depression. 

Spiritual hopelessness may be another cause of depression for believers. Living in a fallen world has dispiriting effects. The Scriptures, especially the psalms, give voice to the suffering and struggle of believers. The Bible shares firsthand stories of the depressed. Words such as downcast, discouraged, fainthearted, and troubled describe the darkness of depression that believers experience. 

Circumstances also play a role. Depression is more common during difficult life circumstances, such as seasons of loss, unexpected change, or disappointing situations. In late June, as the number of COVID-19 cases began to skyrocket, psychiatrist-in-chief, Dr. Maurizio Fava, at Massachusetts General Hospital predicted, “… the COVID-19 pandemic is likely to cause significant stress and psychological distress for a large proportion of the population. And we know the rates are progressively increasing.” 

As the number of coronavirus cases rise so do the number of people suffering with depression. A study published in The Journal of the American Medical Association found that the rate of people experiencing symptoms of depression is now three times higher than before the pandemic.3

Now we find ourselves in the midst of the dreary months of winter. Add to this the physical factors of women’s health, and is it any wonder why so many struggle with depression? But knowing the potential cause is only partially beneficial. What we really want to know is what will help. Visiting your doctor is always a wise first step. This can help to determine if there are physical factors that need to be addressed. If you are experiencing any disturbing changes in mood or symptoms of depression, make an appointment with your doctor. 

In addition to seeking medical care, the tips below offer help for the downcast soul. Consider using one tip per day for the next five days. Engage with them intentionally, personally, and prayerfully. But also consider going through them with a trusted friend, mentor, or counselor.  

Tip Number OneYou aren’t always going to feel this way. 

It is normal to have ups and downs, but depression has a way of clouding the good days. Despite how heavy the present moment seems, it doesn’t disqualify you from future hope. Remember that you have been here before, and God has brought you through. You may not feel it now, but take a moment to remind yourself of the goodness of God. Read Psalm 100:5 and 119:89-90 and write down a few ways you have seen God’s faithfulness in past struggles. 

Tip Number TwoIt is normal to need help and wise to pursue it

We live in a culture that glorifies independence and self-sufficiency, but we were actually created for the opposite. It was intended for us to need others, and we were designed to live in dependence on God. Seasons of depression remind us that we need support. Seeking help is not a display of weakness but wisdom. Read Proverbs 11:14 and 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Who are the people in your life that give you helpful counsel or encouragement? Reach out and connect with them this week.

Tip Number Three: Set reasonable expectations. 

You have never lived through a pandemic before. There is no playbook for how this should go or how it should look. Life has been disrupted, and adjusting has been hard. If the months of living in a pandemic have ushered you into depression, avoid getting caught up in how you should be feeling or thinking. God knows your frame. He is gentle with you in your weakness. Read Psalm 103:14 and Hebrews 4:15-16. How do these verses help you set more reasonable expectations for yourself during seasons of depression?

Tip Number Four: You are more than your feelings. 

Feelings are a response to situations. When situations are hard and discouraging, it makes sense that you would be upset or troubled. Don’t criticize yourself for having bad feelings in the midst of bad circumstances. On the other hand, be careful that you don’t become absorbed in your feelings to the point that they define you. You may feel like all is lost, but you are not a lost cause. Take your changing feelings to an unchanging God. Read Lamentations 3:20-24. Notice the shift from feelings to truth in the passage. In the midst of your low feelings, what is one truth from this passage that you can call to mind? Write it out in a journal, on a note card, or in a note in your phone.

Tip Number Five: Prioritize time with the Lord

This can be especially challenging in the midst of a season of depression, but it is a lifeline. Even if your efforts to connect with the Lord are abbreviated or modified, don’t give up. If you have gone through the above tips, you have already started to engage with the Lord! This week, think of other ways you can meet with God. Consider listening to worship music. Ask a friend to pray for you or with you. Take a walk outside and notice anything that reminds you of God’s creation or provision. Choose a verse that gives you hope. Write it out and try reading it out loud several times a day. Consider Deuteronomy 31:6; Psalm 42:5; and Jeremiah 31:3 as suggestions for this exercise.

After taking a closer look at some of the causes of depression as well as some helpful tips, I hope you have seen that it is nothing to tackle on your own. If you are struggling, take the courageous step to reach out to a trusted friend or counselor and share your feelings. If you know someone suffering from depression, your friendship can go a long way in the journey through the darkness. 

Written by Eliza Huie for publication originally on LifeWay Women.

Making Your Counseling Experience More Effective

Counseling is an important decision. Once you begin, it is helpful if you are committed to several practices during the counseling process. Below are a few suggestions that I have found to be important in cultivating the most effective counseling experience.

Be Honest

This may seem obvious. Why would someone invest time and, in some cases, money to meet with a counselor and not be honest? It might surprise you to learn why this happens, but what may be even more surprising is discovering that you might relate to these reasons. Honesty is not just about what you reveal but also about what you conceal. You may feel you are being honest because what you shared in your session was the truth. However, what was not shared can be equally or even more integral to present an accurate picture of the situation. Candor is risky but necessary in counseling.

One reason people may withhold information is fear of man, a temptation common to all. It is not that you are afraid of your counselor; rather, you may be afraid of giving your counselor reason to dislike you or think poorly of you. Another common reason for withholding information is pride. Pride encourages the keeping up of appearances. Even in the midst of seeking help from a counselor, the desire to save face can sabotage your steps toward help and healing if you are tempted to be less than entirely honest.

Scripture tells us that keeping silent about our sins or transgressions before God will bring misery (Ps. 32:1-8). We must be honest before God, but we should also be honest with those who God provides to help us. In counseling, lean into honesty and participate in the accountability and wisdom that can come from trusting your counselor enough to be fully honest.

Slow Down

Those who are curious about the counseling process may ask how long it will take. They want to know how many counseling sessions will be necessary until they feel better or until their situation will change. This is not an unreasonable question, but it often reveals an incorrect view of counseling and the process of change. It is important to remember that you are not a problem to fix or solve. You, like me and everyone else, are a complex individual. Your situation is complex. You deserve the attention of careful exploration. Counseling deals with the deepest issues of the heart; it takes time to draw out what is there (Prov. 20:5).

God is not in a hurry. He knows what you need and knows the best timing to bring about what is required. You are going to counseling because you desire change, and change is a process in which you learn more about yourself and God. The process of slowly uncovering fears, desires, and beliefs is necessary. It is the process that is often the point. It is in the process that you begin to see what God is teaching you. Trust the process and avoid the rush to get through it.

Pray

The Bible says that prayer is powerful in its effect (James 5:16). Prayer changes things, and one of the most important things it changes is your own heart. Pray before, during, and after your session. Pray for your heart to be changed through the time with your counselor. Pray that you would be sensitive to God and His Word. Pray that God would encourage and strengthen you as you seek to work through the challenges you face.

Pray for your counselor, too. I feel so strongly about this that I considered making this the only point of this post. Counselors fight their own battles with fear of man in the counseling room. They, too, can be tempted to rush toward change and overlook moments where a long look at Jesus is once again needed.

Your counselor is human, just like you. They have good days and bad days. Your prayers for them are invaluable. Pray that they would be fully dependent on the Holy Spirit. Pray that they would counsel out of a life that is abiding with Jesus. As a counselor, I have been shown many kindnesses by those I counsel, but the thing I am most grateful for is prayer. Make it a priority to pray for your counselor (1 Thess. 5:25).

Certainly, there are more things you can do as a counselee to maximize the counseling process, but if you take these three things to heart and revisit them often, you will get far more out of your counseling sessions. So, if you are currently in counseling or if you are thinking about starting counseling, commit to these things and consider sharing them in a conversation with your counselor to talk about how you are doing in each of them.

Questions for Reflection

  1. As a counselee, are you committed to being honest, slowing down, and praying throughout the counseling process? What other practices help make your counseling experience most profitable?
  2. As a counselor, what other practices of counselees have you found helpful for them to cultivate the most effective counseling experience?

This blog post written by Eliza Huie was originally published on the Biblical Counseling Coalition (BCC). Visit the BCC for helpful information and resources related to biblical counseling.

Biblical Counseling Wounds, Abuse, and EMDR

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/worthy-celebrating-the-value-of-women/id1497732229

Since you have found your way to my website, chances are you have interest in biblical counseling. I am so glad you are here!! There are many ways to describe biblical counseling. Here is one that sums it up. Biblical counseling is “focused on the application of God’s Word and walking in God’s Spirit when dealing with matters of life as a whole.” But biblical counseling is still a work in progress. We have much to learn and many horizons to still explore as we hold tightly to the timeless Word of God.

I recently had the privilege to talk about my continued experience in the world of biblical counseling and share about some things I have learned and am still learning. On this podcast I discuss three areas of unique importance and interest. They are:

What should we do when someone has been hurt by biblical counseling. Let’s be honest, it happens. What we do with these situations has huge implications on the movement as a whole.

What does the church need to know about abusers and the abused. Pastors, leaders, helpers, and counselors take warning. We are not immune from being duped by an abuser which can lead us to give wrong counsel or take inappropriate action.

What is EMDR? These days, more and more people are suffering from the impact of trauma in their lives. The world is not a safe and peaceful place. Relationships cause deep harm. We are witnesses to constant horrifying news and events. Anxiety has turned to panic in our lives. EMDR therapy is proving to be a helpful resource for those suffering from distressing memories of events or situations.

The church can and should be a place where sufferers are provided with life-giving care that is humble, relevant, and rooted in God’s eternal promises.

LISTEN HERE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/worthy-celebrating-the-value-of-women/id1497732229

Perfectly Imperfect

Parents feel the pressure to parent well. But life, especially right now, makes that hard. 

This is why I’m so excited to announce that I will be speaking at the online Perfectly Imperfect Christian Parenting Event on October 23-24th. This completely digital event was designed for parents like you as a time to set aside perfection and receive the practical and spiritual help we need, in an easy and accessible format. 

The goal is to help you check perfection at the door, or couch, and become the perfectly imperfect parent God has called you to be! I’ll be speaking on the Talking to Your Kids about Sex from ages 2-20. In addition to my talk, there will be over 50 other short consumable talks giving you both practical and spiritual advice from other amazing speakers! Check out the line up and register today!

Early bird registration is available at a discounted rate of $29 for the full event. Register today for this digital Christian Parenting event by clicking HERE. You’ll also find a link on the EVENTS page. This is an ALL ACCESS registration. You can watch the teaching until December.

 
Again, register today at CHRISTIAN PARENTING and I look forward to seeing you there!!

https://www.perfectlyimperfect.org/a/34476/LZXgQud8

Responding to Someone Hurt by Biblical Counseling

Not everyone’s experience with biblical counseling is positive. I am not talking about situations where a person is running from God or holding tightly to sin. Biblical counseling will not land well on a hard heart.  Instead, I am talking about experiences where people have humbly sought out biblical care and have sadly come away more wounded by the experience.

As counselors, we must be willing to admit that sometimes people encounter poor applications of biblical counseling. Sometimes counselors fall very short in incarnating Christ when engaging the fallen, broken, or downcast brother or sister. Sadly as biblical counselors, we do not always express thoughtful love or engaging compassion as faithfully as we confess

I assume I am not alone in hearing stories of people hurt by their engagement with a biblical counselor. You, like me, may have been cautiously questioned about your counseling approach by a believer still carrying wounds and shame received from a hurtful counseling experience in their church. What we do when we encounter brothers and sisters whose engagement with biblical counseling was hurtful is extremely important. Our response can solidify their concerns, wound them further, or give them hope. I pray that this article will lead us all to the later. The following tips on what to do and what not to do should be reviewed as regularly as we encounter those hurt by biblical counseling.

What to do.

Listen

As counselors this should be our default, but it is worth emphasizing here. Take care that you are intent on hearing their story. Give plenty of time and space to let them unfold it. Allow them to share their experience and actively engage in hearing them. Let your words be primarily questions that encourage them to share more. Listening will elicit the trust that was likely broken in their past experiences. The first step in loving someone hurt by counseling is to let them know their story is important to you and you want to hear all of it. James 1:19 is an unfailing guide for this.

Empathize

As you listen, seek to identify and understand the emotional weight of their experience. Enter their world by seeking to grasp the reality of their pain. Carry their burden with them in the spirit of Galatians 6:2. Empathy will help you respond appropriately. It will assist you to offer encouragement, comfort, and support in a way that validates that sorrow, grief, and pain are normal responses to being hurt.

Self-reflect

Not everything you hear in their hurtful experience will be solely due to the counsel or counselor. They bring their own stuff to the table as well. Lord willing, there will be a time and place to work through that further with them. This is not that time. It is crucial that biblical counselors examine themselves when they hear stories of counseling hurt. How is hearing this story impacting you? What feelings and emotions are coming up in you as you listen? Humbly reflect on the way you bring care. What in this person’s story could be true of your care? Where is needed change in your own approach to caring for people being revealed?

What not to do.

Gossip

It is incredibly easy to slip into gossip when someone shares the hurt they have encountered from biblical counseling. In an effort to sympathize, the desire may arise to confirm what you also may have heard or experienced from a counselor or ministry. Maybe you have even had previous engagement with that specific biblical counselor, church, or ministry and you can add a tasty morsel to confirm their evaluation. This is not helpful. It does not bring healing and only solidifies distrust for those in biblical counseling. Do not do it.

Defend

As you hear a story of hurt, you may feel like defending yourself as a biblical counselor. Avoid the temptation to personalize what you are hearing. Even if the things are about the ministry or organization where you serve or received your training, a defensive response is not a humble response. Biblical counselors are not perfect people. We are in process just like our counselees. Taking up a defensive posture may be an indication of the work needed in our own hearts. Hearing someone’s pain should rouse understanding in us, not defense. To do otherwise is the way of the fool (Proverbs 18:2).

Dismiss

You may not agree with everything the person is sharing. You might see holes in how they have assessed their situation. There could be glaring over-reactions. Avoid being dismissive. Dismissing their pain will only affirm their experience. A wise counselor ascertains the appropriate time to address these things. Wisdom includes being able to hear emotional and sometimes irrational thinking for a time, in order to carefully build the trust needed to engage the person’s heart later. Don’t dismiss or make light of their pain to jump to what you assess as more important matters.

Conclusion

We need to lovingly engage people who have been hurt by biblical counseling. Not doing so will only distance sufferers from communities of care that God has provided. We have a responsibility to compassionately care for those who are hurt, all the more when they have been hurt by us. Let us model the way of the wonderful Counselor who draws near to the crushed and brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18).