Author: elizahuie

Eliza is a biblical counselor, speaker, and author. Experiencing God’s redeeming grace through the hope of the Gospel is her motivation for counseling. She teaches workshops on topics associated to relationships, personal growth, and counseling. She is a contributing writer for the Biblical Counseling Coalition, The Journal of Biblical Counseling, and is the author of Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World and also Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World. She has her masters in counseling from Biblical Theological Seminary has an advanced certificate in counseling from The Christian Counseling Education Foundation (CCEF), and is a member of the Association of Biblical Counselors. She is also trained in EMDR therapy. Eliza and her husband, Ken, have been married for 26 years and have three young adult children. They transplanted from Los Angeles County on the West Coast and now reside in the DC Metro area on the East Coast.

Do I Need Counseling?

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

“Our country faces an unprecedented mental health crisis among people of all ages.”  

This statement from the White House last year not only describes the condition of our country but also reflects the suffering many Christians face. The stigma that once haunted believers who struggle with mental health is fading as pastors and church leaders more readily address such topics with their congregations. In addition, faith-based counseling offered by Christian counselors is becoming easier to find.  

But believers can still wonder if their situation warrants the need for formal counseling. Isn’t the care and support of friends, family, pastors, and our faith community enough? These God-given resources are vital, but they aren’t exhaustive. There are times when talking with someone who has more focused expertise may be helpful.

The God-given resources of friends, family, pastors, and your faith community are vital, but they aren’t exhaustive. There are times when talking with someone who has more focused expertise may be helpful.

If you’ve ever wondered if you might benefit from counseling, here are six questions to determine the answer. 

1. DO YOU FEEL STUCK? Are your best efforts to change ineffective? Do you feel trapped in a never-ending negative cycle of poor communication and hurtful interaction in your relationships? Is suffering unrelenting or does discouragement over unchanging circumstances feel overwhelming?

If you’ve sought help but still feel stuck, counseling may offer a much-needed fresh perspective. 

2. HAVE YOU SUFFERED A DISTRESSING OR TRAUMATIZING EVENT? Tragedies come in a variety of forms: miscarriage, accidents, injuries, the loss of a job, or the death of a friend or family member. The trauma of victimizations and violations can lead you to places that are emotionally unfamiliar and challenging. A counselor can help you work through both unexpected and expected hardships.  

3. IS EMOTIONAL STRESS MANIFESTING IN PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS? Headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, or a racing heart are just a few symptoms that result from emotional stress. When you notice symptoms, a visit to your doctor is a good idea. If your doctor thinks stress is the cause of your physical issues, counseling is an excellent way to address what’s contributing to your body’s response.

4. ARE YOU STRUGGLING TO COPE WITH THE PRESSURES OF LIFE? To deal with the tensions of life, people find ways to cope. Some are helpful and healthy, like engaging in exercise, being with friends, meditating on Scripture, praying, spending time outdoors, or creating a quiet space for yourself. Other forms of coping are less healthy and are distractions that compound problems. If you’re coping with stress by turning to addictive habits such as drugs or alcohol, indulging in comfort food, watching shows excessively, scrolling social media, or other escapes, talking to someone is a wise and needed step.  

5. ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS STRAINED? Relationships are challenging. Whether it’s with your coworkers, church family, spouse, children, or parents, no relationship is immune to hard times. Even the best of friendships can take a difficult turn and cause unexpected challenges. Marriage and family relationships can fall into cycles of conflict, leaving you feeling hopeless. If you can’t make progress toward relational resolution, seek counsel.

Finding a counselor who can connect the love of Christ and the wisdom of the Scriptures to the interpersonal struggles you face can be a great encouragement.  

6. HAVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS EXPRESSED CONCERNED? Others often see us more clearly than we see ourselves. When friends and family voice concerns, don’t ignore them. It can be hard to see how things are affecting you when the situation has become part of your everyday life. If people who care about you say they’ve noticed concerning things, humbly listen and reach out for help.  

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, know that the Lord doesn’t intend for you to struggle alone. Take advantage of the circle of care God has provided through friends, family, and your local church. But also consider counseling as another avenue of care the Lord may be providing to you.  

This post written by Eliza Huie was originally shared on The Gospel Coalition website.

Ten Quick Tips to Help Your Anxious Child

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

Anxiety is no respecter of age. Out of the many people who recognize the validity of this statement, parents are among those who feel the truth of it most deeply. Knowing it to be true is one thing, knowing what to do about it is quite another.

As with every effort in parenting you want to look at the root cause and point children to the comfort and care of God. Addressing the heart with the truth of Scripture is your goal. Yet there are times when the body gets in the way of the heart’s ability to receive instruction. This is often the case when parenting an anxious child. In these circumstances, parents can make greater progress by focusing on and addressing both the physical and emotional needs of the child first, in order to prepare them to effectively process and internalize spiritual instruction.

“There are times when the body gets in the way of the heart’s ability to receive instruction.” Eliza Huie

Below are ten quick tips parents can utilize to support their child who is dealing with anxiety. The tips provided will assist you in effectively managing the needs of your anxious child and help you foster a sense of clam in both their body and in their mind, thus creating a better opportunity for future heart-connections to be made or strengthened.

1- Practice deep breathing: Teach your child how to take slow deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth. This can help them relax and feel more in control when they’re feeling anxious.

2- Encourage exercise: Regular physical activity can help reduce anxiety and improve overall mood. Encourage your child to participate in activities they enjoy, such as sports, dancing, or playing outside.

3- Use imagination: Help your child imagine a happy, peaceful place in their mind. Encourage them to imagine feeling God’s presence in that place. Encourage them to take a mental break and visit this place whenever they’re feeling anxious.

4- Talk about feelings: Encourage your child to express their feelings and listen to them without judgment. Help them understand that it’s normal to feel have strong feelings and that there are ways to manage those feelings.

5- Establish a routine: Consistency and structure can help reduce anxiety in children. Establish a regular routine for meals, homework, and bedtime and stick to it as much as possible.

6- Meditate on Scripture: Teach children how to meditate on God’s word. Use songs that help them memorize Scripture or write encouraging Bible verses on cards for them to see through their day. Encourage them to focus on Bible verse and let go of anxious thoughts.

7- Get enough sleep: Lack of sleep can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep each night and establish a bedtime routine that promotes relaxation. Include a time of prayer in your child’s routine where they give all their worries to the Lord.

8- Limit screen time: Excessive screen time contributes to anxiety and other mental health issues. Set limits on the amount of time your child spends on electronic devices. Join them in these limits.

9- Encourage positive self-talk: Parents can shy away from this fearing it could make a child proud. However, all people, children and adults included, have a negativity bias that leads them to easily slip into unhelpful thinking. Teach your child to speak kindly to themselves and to challenge negative thoughts. Remind them of their God-given strengths and talents.

10- Seek professional help: If your child’s anxiety is impacting their daily life, it may be helpful to seek the advice a Christian mental health professional or a biblical counselor. These professionals can come alongside parents to provide strategies and tools to help your child manage their anxiety and connect them to the hope to found in Jesus.

Implementing these strategies is not all that is needed. Parents should seek to understand what is driving the anxious thoughts. For most of us a hyper-focused pursuit of personal safety and control can lead to anxiety but the Lord intends that we would trust and depend on him rather than on ourselves (Proverbs 3:5-6). When you help your child to better understand and manage their anxiety you are now in a more favorable position to address their spiritual needs. Remember to be patient and supportive, and never hesitate to seek the help of your pastor, a more seasoned parent, or a professional if needed.

Pre-order your child a copy of my latest book Count Yourself Calm, Taking BIG Feelings to a BIG God.

You may also like these posts:

Counseling Supervision Group

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

Counseling can be incredibly lonely and finding supportive consultation can be challenging. I am excited to share that I will be once again offering an online supervision group for biblical or Christian counselors. This group will meet online on the following dates/times:

February – March (2/3, 2/17, 3/3, 3/17, 3/31)

Noon-1:30 EST

Online Zoom Room

To maximize the value of the time together the group size will be limited to six counselors. This will allow for the group to become a community of support that can extend beyond the group supervision meetings. There is a brief application process before confirmation of you membership is received. If you are looking for supervision that is Biblically Anchored | Clinically Informed | Practically Applied look no further. Below you will find application requirements as well as my supervision qualifications.

For questions please reach out to me through the “Let’s Connect” page of this website. I hope to see you in the group!

Required for application:

  • Must have at least one year of counseling experience.
  • Strong commitment to provide biblically-based counsel.
  • Must affirm both the doctrinal and confessional statement of the BCC. (NOTE- this group is not associated with the BCC.)
  • Desire to provide “whole person” care (addressing spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational areas of need).
  • Sympathetic of clinical research and terminology.

Supervision will support you in:

  • Proficiency in biblical application.
  • Navigating challenging cases.
  • Building a community with likeminded biblical counselors.
  • Developing as a counselor.
  • Interdisciplinary expertise.
  • Ethical matters related to care.
  • Insight for private practice processes and procedures.

Supervisor qualifications:

  • MA in counseling
  • Biblical and clinical credentials. (ABC and CCEF certificates, licensed in VA and MD, EMDR, GTEP, RTEP, CCPT)
  • Over 14 years of experience in biblical counseling and 5 years of clinical experience.
  • Leadership and mentoring experience in private practice, faith-based ministry, and church settings.
  • Supervising and coaching experience in establishing and maintaining counseling practices.
Apply to the Supervision group

“I didn’t plan on dying today.” Unexpected lessons from Psalm 46:10

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

When I was lying awake one night, I asked the Lord what He would have me to share as a devotion with the staff of the non-profit where I work, and immediately, these eight simple words came to mind:  BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. The probability of this verse being in the top ten most well-known Bible passages makes it very familiar to all of us, but I wasn’t about to tell the Lord He made a mistake!   

After reflecting on Psalm 46:10, it became apparent to me that this simple imperative is far from easy to pull off.  In fact, I think that understanding it and putting it into practice might be one of the more difficult tasks of the Christian life. I have spent the last several years of my life being challenged by it. One particular event in my life stands out as a potent illustration of what the words of this psalm mean. Allow me to break it down into short phrases, starting with the first two words as I share my story.

Be Still

About 15 years ago now, when I was living in Wilmington, NC, my kids and I would go to Wrightsville Beach with several families from our homeschool group every Thursday during the summer. On one unforgettable trip, another mom and I decided to swim across the channel with our kids from Shell Island to Figure Eight Island. It was an easy swim, and we made it across in a few minutes.  After walking down the beach a ways, we then decided to head back to Shell Island where the rest of our group was waiting.  We swam out to the middle of the channel, and then to our horror realized that we were no longer covering any distance.  At this point my friend looks at me with fear in her eyes and says, “We are not going to make it.” Immediately, my life flashed before my eyes, and I had the most terrifying thought: “I didn’t plan on dying today.” Add to this great horror and even greater one—I suddenly realized that I was going to watch my children drown one by one right in front of my eyes. I immediately started to panic, and my body began to sink beneath the waves. There was absolutely nothing I could do to get myself or my children out of this predicament. However, my friend calmly called out to us, “Everybody lie on your backs!”  We did, and the current which we had been fighting, pushed us back to Figure Eight Island. If I had continued to strive to get across the channel, I surely would have drowned.  But by simply trustin in the reality that the current was able to get me to safety and that all I needed to do was to rest, my life and the lives of my children were spared.

Taking the posture of lying on our backs was essential that day. Being still saved our lives. Rather than commanding us to do nothing, Psalm 46 is describing a posture of the heart—one that recognizes that the most pressing issues of my life have already been lovingly planned and will be accomplished—not by my striving—but by my resting in His perfect plan. 

Thankfully, moments after we made it back to Figure Eight Island, some teenagers on jet skis saw our predicament and jetted us safely back across the channel.  They said to us, “Don’t you know how dangerous it is to swim across the channel?”

That brings me to the second phrase.

And Know

Before we ventured out into the channel, one of the moms in our group had warned us, “I don’t think that is a very good idea.  The channel is not a safe place to swim.”  But we sized it up and concluded that she was being a worrywart. Only, she knew! She was convinced not only in the reality about currents, but also in her own experience. We were foolish to have not listened. We had put our confidence in our own assessment and ability to get across the channel—and that got us into a lot of trouble.  Here, God is telling us, commanding us to know.  He wants us to have absolute assurance – not a false hope. He provides us not only with truth in His word through principles and stories of His faithfulness, but also with the experiences of others around us so that we can have rock solid assurance.  

Assurance about what?  That leads me to the third phrase.

That I

God has reduced our confidence to be placed in one singular being—Himself.  Our assurance cannot be centered in ourselves, in our circumstances, or shaped by our emotions.   It can’t be dependent on another person. I can’t find my assurance in what I do, where I live or work, or what or who I know. My confidence can’t come from what others think of me. Only God can be the source of our confidence.  Everything else will disappoint, fall apart, or come to an end. I can be certain that He has a good purpose for me.

This reminds me of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  When faced with sure death, they answered King Nebuchadnezzar, “Your threat means nothing to us. If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn’t, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn’t serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.”  (Daniel 3:16-28, The Message).  How could they say this with such confidence?  Because they knew without a doubt that placing their lives in God’s hands was the safest place to land.  

The last phrase is the anchor that holds the whole thought together.

Am God 

I can’t learn to be still, I can’t accurately understand truth, I can’t be assured of any good outcome unless I am looking to God—the only true source of all joy, fulfillment, power, satisfaction, and purpose.

So, because God is God and I am not, I can practice self-forgetfulness and focus on Him.  I can live my life solely to glorify Him, freeing me from the enslaving preoccupation of my own agenda. I can be confident that no matter what He sends my way, I can rest in His good plans for me and have peace.  

You would think that at the ripe old age of 56 I would have this down by now, but I have found that learning to be still is a lifelong journey. I need to be reminded daily where my true confidence lies and to constantly be challenged to practice self-forgetfulness, looking to God for ultimate purpose and joy.  And even when I fail, I cannot out fail His grace.  Many of us wrongly view the Christian life as a steady climb to a higher plane, but reality points to something more like undulations of growth and failures, always moving us closer and closer to a clearer understanding of who I am in light of who God is.  He will accomplish the work He started in me.  

I have been trying to remember to start my day repeating these eight simple words.  I invite you to join me, and perhaps together we can be sanctified by their message and encourage one another to find peace by practicing it.  

For further reflection and encouragement, listen to this song by Hope Dearest:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsIpGiz3SfQ

(This guest post is shared by my dear friend who faithfully shares the love of Jesus with muslim refugees through a local non-profit. She is passionate about the goodness of God and the importance of knowing His Word. She wishes to write anonymously in order to give all the attention to the Lord.)

Nothing is Impossible…

Published on by elizahuie1 Comment

“For nothing will be impossible with God.”  

(Luke 1:37) 

Try this. Lift your right foot off the ground and begin circling it in a clockwise direction. While you continue to move your foot in circles, draw a six with your finger in the air two times. Did your foot change direction? For most people it is impossible for your foot to be moving clockwise while your finger is moving counterclockwise, which happens when you draw the number six. Was that true for you? Here is a simpler experiment. Stick out your tongue and try and touch it to your nose. Can you do it? Ask a friend or family member to try. Can they do it?  

These are silly things that are impossible for most of us to do. They make us laugh as we try to do them. However, there are other things in our lives that are not silly but are equally impossible for us. There are some things we just cannot do. For us they are impossible.  

When you face things that are impossible it can bring up many questions. What will happen if we cannot make ends meet? Will my wayward child ever come back to the Lord? Will I always be alone? Will I get better? What if my friend or family member never comes to know Jesus? These questions can turn to hopelessness. But that hopelessness is a result of looking at the impossible situation rather than at the God of impossibilities. Our God is not limited by the realities of a situation. 

The passage of Scripture above is quoted from the book of Luke, but they are the words of Mary the mother of Jesus. Mary was an unwed teenaged virgin when an angel came to her with a message. If a visit from an angel was not shocking enough, the message the angel brought certainly was. In fact, the angel’s message seemed completely impossible. Mary was to have a son! And not just a son but this child would become the savior of the world. When the angel told her what would happen he reminded her of a crucial truth. “Nothing will be impossible with God.” This is a reminder we all need at various times of our lives; not in the times when we are trying to touch our nose with our tongue, but on those days when God’s promises seem impossible. When your situation feels beyond repair, when a heart seems as cold as ice, when you cannot imagine things turning around, remember this truth: “Nothing will be impossible with God.”

Whatever God has promised will happen. Even if his plans are not what we expect, he promises to work all things for our good (Romans 8:28-29). What feels impossible in your life right now? Trust God with your impossibilities.  Nothing is too difficult for him. He will either make it happen or give you all that is needed to endure.

Raising Emotional Healthy Ministry Kids

Published on by elizahuie2 Comments

Pastors, church planters, missionaries, and ministry leaders know firsthand that the line between ministry life and home life is blurry if it even exists at all. 

This blurry line will often mean that you cannot protect your family from negative fallout of church or ministry conflict, you cannot guard them against the hurtful comments, and you cannot shelter them from the pressure to live up to standards imposed by others. Keeping your family from feeling like they are constantly on display or being critiqued is an exhausting and nearly impossible task.

All this can lead parents to be concerned about the long-term impact the ministry might have on their children. This concern is legitimate, but they shouldn’t carry this concern alone. This article is written for parents who are serving in ministry, and it is for the church. We all have a part in raising emotionally healthy ministry kids. Below are three issues ministry kids face and what parents and the church can do.

Expectations and Judgments

One of the most difficult realities that these kids face is the expectations and judgments of others. Pastors, church planters, and ministry leaders live daily with the reality that their lives are being constantly examined. 

Some people hold a higher standard for ministry kids. While it is good that people look to their pastor or ministry leader as an example, it is important to remember that they are not immune to the common struggles in parenting. Ministry kids are learning, growing, making mistakes, and maturing just like other kids. Often they are doing this with unrealistic expectations from those in their faith community. This adds a burden to their young lives and is exhausting for their parents.

What can parents do?

Communicate your convictions to live as a family who seeks to please the Lord, not people. This does not mean that other people’s opinions do not matter, they do. It simply means that those opinions will take their proper place in your family. Let them know that mistakes are a part of life and they do not need to feel the burden of trying to be perfect. Encourage your kids that as a family you will prioritize following God over fearing the opinion of others (Prov. 29:25). 

Parents should avoid using their kid’s failures or childish behaviors as examples in sermons, lectures, or conversations. Instead, share encouraging stories about your kids. Speak well of them often and in their hearing. There will be times you need to share your parenting struggles as you seek advice, but reserve that for trusted relationships rather than casual conversation or sermon illustrations.

What can the church do?

Consider the impact of your comments. “You let your kids watch that!” “That outfit seems a bit immodest.” “I heard your kid skipped youth group for soccer practice.” Before you decide to say anything, pray. Pray and consider if it even needs to be said. Since expectations are heavily felt, let your comments about your pastor or leader’s kids be expressions of genuine encouragement. Know that there is likely more conversation going on at home about these matters. Your pastor is not immune to normal parenting struggles. Offer grace over judgment. Provide encouragement over expectations (1 Thess. 5:11). 

Cruelty and Rudeness

Pastors, church planters, and ministry leaders wish they could shield their children from the harsh criticisms and insensitive comments they personally have received in ministry. People can be very vocal about their opinions of leaders. What they often forget is that while they are criticizing, correcting, or even insulting their pastor/leader, the children are watching and listening. Children who hear or see the unkind words and actions from people toward their parents find it hard to forget the cruelty they witnessed. The years fade but the words still sting. 

What can parents do?

Prepare them for it. Let them know that there will be those who strongly disagree with your leadership and will be very vocal about it. Negative voices can feel like the majority, but in most cases they are more like the cricket in a quiet dark room. Remind them (and yourself) that for every negative voice there are scores of those who love and support you and your family. The burden of criticism is heavier if they are unsure of how you are managing it. When you can, let them know that you are alright. Then seek supportive counseling for yourself if needed.

What can the church do?

Be kind. It really is that simple. Even if you disagree with your pastor or ministry leader, be charitable. Encourage them in front of their family. Tell their kids how much you appreciate their parents and the sacrifice they continually make to serve. Tell the children how much you appreciate them as well. Be known as one who seeks to love and honor the pastor or leader and their family (Rom. 12:10).

Balance and Limitations

Raising kids in ministry is going to be a continual fight for balance. You cannot schedule a crisis and you never know when tragedy will strike. There are going to be times your kids will have to wait while you attend to the needs of ministry. But balance is necessary for their emotional wellbeing. Fight for balance and prioritize the needs of your kids and family. 

With this balance comes the struggle of limitations. Not only will you face the reality of limited time, but also limited resources. Ministry families often live on a tight budget especially when serving in fledgling ministries. Parents often have to say no to soccer camp, music lessons, or extravagant vacationing.

What can parents do?

Make the most out of what you can. When you vacation, unplug from ministry demands and be fully present with your kids. Leave the laptop and the guilt behind. Because sacrificing comes with ministry, doing something just for fun or splurging for a vacation might feel excessive but it is important to do from time to time. And try to do it without guilt. Your kids will notice any guilt or distress you are bringing so, for their sake, seek to unplug and enjoy life together. Those times go a long way toward sustaining your child’s emotional health.  

What can the church do?

Bless the socks off ministry kids. Consider funding a summer camp for them. Surprise the family with gift cards to restaurants. Drop off fun foods they may not be able to buy. Also, ministry kids often feel like everybody and nobody knows them at the same time. Learn their names and introduce and address them by their names rather than the pastor’s son/daughter. Notice the sacrifice of their parents’ time and attention and thank them for it. Tell them that they are a key part of the ministry. And finally– respect their parents’ day off. Save the text, email, call, or message for another day.  

Much more can be said on this topic, and we need to continue to give attention to the emotional wellbeing of ministry kids. But the blurry lines of ministry and home life are not all bad. Your role in ministry affords opportunities for your family to share in moments of seeing God at work in lives in amazing ways. Your ministry life can mature your children emotionally, ignite their faith, and equip them to navigate life’s struggles as they model what they saw lived out in you and their church family. 

Let Us Pursue Unity

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

We live in a divided world. Some days it feels impossible to find common ground. A quick scroll through Facebook or Twitter reveals a handful of topics on which Christians bitterly disagree. Conversations about politics quickly descend into malicious and vilifying words. Judgmental arguments about topics such as government policies, healthcare, and matters of social justice abound. Our commitment to our own views can create unnecessary divides and shut out those who disagree with our way of thinking. Even topics of theology can lead to disunity. Who do we baptize? What versions of the Bible should we use? What is the role of men and women in the church? Unified relationships–even with other believers–can feel impossible to attain. 

In the face of these challenges, Scripture unapologetically calls us to persevere towards unity in Christ. Psalm 133:1 says, “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in unity!” I like that word “behold” at the beginning of verse. It’s basically telling us to stop for a moment and look at our relationships. Psalm 133 tells us that unity is the active ingredient that makes our relationships good and pleasant. We experience unity when we center our relationships around a shared faith and mutual goal of pleasing Christ and making him known.

Psalm 133 goes further to show us that the unity we experience in our relationships is a picture of the unity we experience with God. In verse two of Psalm 133 we are given a picture of Aaron, the priest, being covered with oil. This priestly act foreshadows the atoning work of Jesus. Just as the priest would be covered in oil and go before God on behalf of the people bringing unity again between God and man, Jesus brings that for believers. He allows us to be fully accepted by and united to God.  

“We experience unity when we center our relationships around a shared faith and mutual goal of pleasing Christ and making him known.”

Despite our differences, we help each other through suffering, build up each other’s faith, and work together for the glory of God and the good of his people. When we remember that the bonds of Christ are more important than our differing opinions, we create a context to work, relax, play, worship, and enjoy life in each other’s company. With Christ as our center our relationships become characterized by encouraging and fulfilling interactions. Despite our differences, we can still experience good and pleasant relationships filled with happiness, humor, and enjoyment of one another. 

Are you in unity with other believers, connected by your shared faith in Christ? Or, do you tend to cut people out of your life when you disagree? Take a look at your relationships. Are any of your relationships marked by bitterness, annoyance, or disdain? While, we may need to distance ourselves from relationships that are harmful or abusive, as far as it depends on us, we should live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). A mutual love for Jesus forms a foundation towards the goal of unified relationships which serve the wider community, and make Christ known to the watching world.  Where can you pursue unity in your relationships today?

This post is an excerpt taken from The Whole Life: 52 Weeks of Biblical Self Care by Eliza Huie and Esther Smith.

The Trauma Informed-Church: Responding Compassionately to Abuse Survivors

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

This webinar is designed for pastors, ministry leaders and Christians who want to grow in understanding how trauma affects a person’s involvement in the Church community. Participants will gain knowledge in the signs of traumatization, as well as practical ways to care for survivors of trauma, taking into consideration that churches should be caring for survivors but also have limits in the scope of care they can provide.

Click to REgister

Date/Time: July 5, 2022 Noon-3pm (Pacific Time)

Instructors: Jason Kovacs, Eliza Huie, and Beth Broom

Cost: $50 individual ticket; 20% discount for five or more individual tickets.

Where: Live Webinar (Recorded for Replay)

Live attendees will be able to participate in an additional non-recorded Q&A time with the speakers immediately following the webinar at 3pm PST.

Webinar Schedule:

The Trauma-Informed Church: What and How We Can Get There

Jason Kovacs 12:00-1:00 PM PST

How does a church become a safe place for trauma and abuse survivors to heal? In this session we will explore a vision for becoming a trauma-informed church, values that sustain this, and practical suggestions to move forward. 

The Trauma-Informed Church Leader: Recognizing a Trauma Response 

Eliza Huie 1:00-2:00 PM PST

Recognizing trauma is not easy but there are identifiable traits and responses that you as a church leader can learn to spot. Once you have learned these you are in a better place to respond with the wisdom and compassion of our Lord.

A Practical Guide for Responding Compassionately

Beth Broom 2:00-3:00 PM PST

Many church leaders want to care for those who have been abused, but they aren’t sure where to start. In this session we will give you a variety of tools for creating a compassionate environment that honors survivors and also heralds the gospel. 

**Bonus Live Q&A with the webinar speakers**

Those attending live are invited to a bonus 30 minute Q&A session with the webinar speakers.

4 Traits of an Emotionally Healthy Ministry Worker

Published on by elizahuieLeave a comment

“I need to step away from serving.”

These are words you expect to hear from time to time. People serve for seasons, and some seasons are longer than others. But this was coming from a capable and energetic ministry worker, a spiritually solid servant of Christ. Yet what followed was an explanation of emotional decline, frustrating interactions, and strained interpersonal relationships—an explanation that affirmed the decision, though hard, was wise.

If you’re serving in ministry, you have likely been encouraged to prioritize your spiritual health. You may have been exhorted to pay attention to spiritual disciplines that will shape you into the best possible leader, teacher, or minister. All of this is good. The Bible implores us to pay careful attention to ourselves (1 Tim. 4:12–16).

But spiritual vitality is not the only area of health ministry workers need to pursue. Your emotional health is also essential. Below are four traits of emotionally healthy people for you to pursue. If you’re in ministry, each one is worthy of your careful consideration.

1. Adopt an appropriate view of your capacity.

Emotional health begins with embracing your sovereignly ordained limitations. You must avoid the lies that say having limited physical, mental, or emotional bandwidth means failure. Instead, know the value of asking for help and do so regularly. God created you to need him and others. So, lean on the Lord’s strength and allow others to support and assist you (Isa. 40:28–29; 2 Cor. 12:9–10; Gal. 6:2). Rather than pushing through or ignoring personal limits, accept them. Take the necessary time to give your body what it needs: rest, nutrition, hydration, recreation, or stillness. See your limited capacity as part of being human rather than a personal flaw.

Spiritual vitality is not the only area of health ministry workers need to pursue. Your emotional health is also essential.

Are you open to the support and assistance of others when you’ve reached your capacity? Do you decline new or additional requests to serve when you know you haven’t had sufficient time to rest or reset? A wrong understanding of our limitations can lead to service motivated by obligation, resentment, guilt, or even shame. But a healthy view of your capacity can help you see that saying no is at times wiser than saying yes.

2. Avoid obsessing over failures.

Are you able to be disappointed by mistakes but not devastated by them? Do you find yourself rethinking past situations that went wrong? Emotionally healthy ministers understand the importance of forgiveness and fight the temptation to negatively ruminate on what others have done to them. They fight against a defeatist mentality about their own mistakes as well, trusting that God uses all things for his glory and our good.

Dwelling on your mistakes (or the mistakes of others) saps your emotional and spiritual health. When you find yourself replaying mistakes, beating yourselves up, or thinking you’re worthless, instead make the replays your cue to turn to the Lord. Turn the temptation to fixate into a call to prayer. Instead of allowing failures to become all-consuming, seek the Lord’s guidance when things go wrong (Ps. 25:8). He can redeem all your mistakes but sometimes he uses them in constructive ways to lead you to deeper dependence on him. In your failings, the Lord often teaches you more about yourself and his character than in your times of great success.

3. Pursue healthy relationships.

In ministry, much of your work is spent in relational interactions, serving and pouring out your life for others. That’s a good thing. Emotionally healthy people regularly invest in life-giving relationships.

But having healthy relationships is not about the number of friendships you have. Instead, it’s about the depth and quality of your relationships. Do you have relationships where you’re not in the role of caregiver? Is there a balance in your life between pouring into people and being poured into by others? Do you spend regular time with people whose company is refreshing to your soul?

In your failings, the Lord often teaches you more about yourself and his character than in your times of great success.

Your relationships need to be a balance of giving and receiving. In your friendships and ministry relationships,  you need a good understanding of what things you’re responsible for and what you’re not. When a person takes on more responsibility than is appropriate, unhealthy relational interactions can manifest.

This was the case for the ministry worker who shared her need to step away from serving. Her life had become consumed with serving others to the point she’d neglected her own needs and it had caught up with her. Ministry workers can too easily fall prey to this because their positions often require greater levels of responsibility for others. This heightened sense of duty may lead you to feel overly responsible for establishing and maintaining relationships both inside and outside the context of your ministry.

4. Find your worth in Christ.

Emotionally healthy people do not depend on others’ approval. Rather, they rest in the knowledge of who they are in Christ. The world sends us endless messages, tempting us to create status for ourselves. But as believers, we can rest in the unshakable identity we have received from God (John 1:12) and weigh others’ opinions with discernment, filtering them through the truth of Scripture.

Are you able to rest in who you are in Christ, or do the opinions of others affect your feelings of worth and contentment? Is your belief in who God says you are evident in your perception of your worth? Christians don’t need to be caught up in a hot pursuit of identity formation. We have no need to accomplish what has already been given us. We can be confident that we are who God says we are (2 Cor. 5:17; 1 Pet. 2:9). Prioritizing regular times of communion with God through prayer and meditation in the Word stabilizes our emotional health and protects us against the temptation to believe the world’s false messages about identity.

Serving or working for a ministry, church, or Christian organization doesn’t guarantee emotional health. A person may be devoted to all the right spiritual disciplines and still be deteriorating emotionally. In your effort to sacrifice for the kingdom, you may miss the important need to attend to your emotional life.

One final note: emotional health is not an individual effort. As in all areas of life, we are created for community. Consider talking about these four traits with people who know you well or those with whom you serve. Prayerfully encourage one another or to reflect on any changes or adjustments you may need to make (1 Thess. 5:11; Heb. 10:24).

This post written by Eliza Huie was also published by The Gospel Coalition.

A Needed Disappointment for the New Year

Published on by elizahuie8 Comments

We are addicted to self-sufficiency. Without even realizing it we are all junkies for independence. The beginning of the new year is often a time when this becomes even more evident. It’s the time when we are bombarded with encouragement to reflect and resolve. The hope is that in the New Year we will reach a greater level of self-improvement or attain a lasting commitment to live better. The turning of a year seems to put us on a quest to become all that we wish we could be.

I am not at all opposed to the New Year being a time of reflection and goal setting. I do this every year and find it helpful. In fact, I have already spent time considering what I things I hope to try to start or at least do differently this year. It was in my New Year planning that I stumbled on a much-needed disappointment from a passage of Scripture. The message I read loud and clear was: I cannot do it! I am insufficient!

Before you stop reading and before you think the Bible throws a wet blanket on all the New Year’s resolutions, let me explain.

In our effort pursue a change, develop a skill, or embark on a new self-improvement routine, God holds out this necessary disappointment. He gives a needed reminder that provides warning and perspective. It is possible that all our resolve and effort could be in vain. Here is what I read.

Unless the Lord builds the house,
    those who build it labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the watchman stays awake in vain.

It is in vain that you rise up early
    and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil;
    for he gives to his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:1-2

Three times he says these efforts are in vain. He doesn’t say our efforts are bad, just that there is a way to do them that will prove pointless. When we seek to do anything in our own strength independent of God, no matter how good that thing is, it is in vain. We cannot do it. Why? Because we are insufficient.

We are not able to become our best selves on our own. Our best life comes in complete dependence on the God who made us. Yet we still try. Self-reflection is helpful and plans for personal improvement can be beneficial, but this can also lead to more striving, specifically when we resolve in our own strength.

So, in this dawn of a new year, embrace not being enough. Feast at the table of dependence where our heavenly Father provides all that is needed. With this mindset move toward your plans with open hands. Lay your resolves and aspirations before the Lord and remember that unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain.

Motivation, self-reflection, planning and goal setting can be fruitful. But in our own strength these all miss the mark and we end up only feeding our natural disposition to make much of ourselves rather than making much of Christ. Instead plan with a dependent disposition. Embrace the needed disappointment that your efforts are insufficient on your own and instead look to the Lord to establish the work of your hands.